


i never knew

by thatsmysecret



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ficlet, M/M, Modern AU, One Shot, POV First Person, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 07:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17075579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsmysecret/pseuds/thatsmysecret
Summary: My ‘67 Fastback tore down the winding road, my foot to the floor and my hand on the suicide knob. I could barely see past the hundred feet of road in my headlights, but I saw his face like it was being projected.Steve.





	i never knew

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/21981132@N07/45483546395/in/dateposted-public/)

My ‘67 Fastback tore down the winding road, my foot to the floor and my hand on the suicide knob. I could barely see past the hundred feet of road in my headlights, but I saw his face like it was being projected. _Steve._

I hadn't seen him since we'd exploded into a million different pieces that night. I'd spun the city limits sign out, the lingering sting of his words and the memory of his anger fueling me as much as the whiskey bottle between my legs. Stopping to make bank or work on the car, I drank and fucked my way from place to place. Another bar, another nameless, blue-eyed blond to feed my torment. Sucking me dry as I fisted his hair, or letting me slap him from the back so I could make his ass move. Not that it helped, or hurt, or...anything.

I didn't really put the brakes on until I stopped to see my grandmother in Indiana. She held me close, making my eyes sting before I gently pulled away to sit at the table while she fussed quietly. She went on in her way about weather reports and seed prices, weaving in little bits and pieces of family news. I'd nearly scraped the plate on my chicken-friend steak when I saw the envelope she placed in front of me. My name in _his_ writing.

"Got it about two months ago, puddin'. Figured you'd be here at some point, so there you go."

Two months ago. Nan leaned down to kiss my forehead, her Shalimar rewinding me through years of her love, before looking into my eyes. "You've always gone your own way, and I don't figure that's ever going to change."

"I had to leave, Nan."

"So you say. Seems like he didn't keep his part of the bargain, though."

"Bargain?"

"To forget about you," she said softly, wiping at her eyes before turning quickly to clear the table.

I slid open the envelope with hands steadier than I felt, pulling out a single black and white photograph. He was staring straight into the camera from our bed, naked. There was a sheet draped around his waist, and I felt the blood rushing in my ears as I stared at the image. I'd snapped it one morning, and he'd raged at me the second after the shutter had clicked.

I turned it over to find three words, again in his handwriting: _I never knew._

My heart stuttered before taking up a relentless thrumming. I was on my feet running for the kitchen, sweeping Nan off her feet and into a hug before flying out of her house so fast that I was behind the wheel before the screen door hit.

I drove straight through; my only stops for gas, my only thoughts of him. Time passed in a fugue of mile markers and the relentless downturn of the gas gauge, his photo fluttering from the dash like a prayer flag.

Miles outside the city, the treeline began to thin and I saw the beginning of lights, though I could have found my way even in a pitch, starless sky. I faltered, for the first time in the last twenty-four hours, broadsided by the thought of how much time had passed since he'd mailed that envelope.

Where he was, how he'd spent his time, who he'd spent it with. _Fuck._

But by then I was spinning the city limits sign in reverse and hurtling back to him, for good or goodbye. I was done with the rearview, however things played out.

The street was the dark and quiet of just gone two a.m. I cut the ignition, coasting to a stop, the hot tick of my engine the soundtrack for the walk up his path. The door opened before my boots hit the mat, and there he was.

"Bucky. You're here."

"Is it too late?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing."

He was in my arms in a heartbeat, a crush of love and warmth that staggered me. Steve held tight, righting us when we might have stumbled, and the taste of our tears was sweet.

"You're really here," he whispered over and over, waiting a beat for me to tell him yes, yes, yes, as I kissed his eyes, his nose, his mouth, and later...his everything. My everything. _My Stevie._

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [I Never Knew](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19897414) by [AiJamaisFacil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AiJamaisFacil/pseuds/AiJamaisFacil)




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